I don’t have the greatest relationship with food. I eat my feelings. I drink my stress. I starve uncomfortable thoughts. The day my son started PreK, I went to Shipley’s and ate $12 of donuts. Do you know how cheap donuts are? Do you have any idea how much $12 worth is? Then I didn’t eat for the rest of the day. Partly because of the sugar coma and partly to “make up for” the donuts. It’s not rational. It’s just how I operate.
These habits and some lucky DNA kept me skinny during my 20s. It doesn’t work anymore.
The thing is, I know what to eat: fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meat, whole grains and low-fat calcium. I know how to eat: small portions every 3 hours to keep my metabolism up. I know to make a meal plan and follow it. I know to pack my lunch and snacks to avoid poor choices. This is not revolutionary to me. When I do these things, I feel better. I look better. I am better. It’s very logical.
My trouble remains emotional triggers. My kid is bioterrorist and brought home some fever virus that’s working its way through the entire family. It’s my turn. I feel terrible. Yesterday I really wanted a cheeseburger and fries for lunch. Nothing tastes better than fat, salt and sugar when I’m like that. It became a moral imperative that Charlie go to McDonald’s and get it for me.
I know that it’s one meal, so it’s not the end of the world. We had a healthy dinner. But I also know long-term, my biggest challenge to looking and feeling the way I want to remains my complicated relationship with food. I know I can’t make anything forbidden or I’ll just binge. It’s all about moderation and perspective. It’s just hard. I’m an “all-in” sort of girl.
The good news is I have a lot of support. The Body Back program comes with a diet plan and recipes to get me on the right track. My coworkers are health conscious and we often talk about tasty foods and dishes that don’t come with a hazardous warning label. Charlie would rather eat quinoa and roasted vegetables than Taco Bell any day. (I always knew there was something off about him.) He’s been great about trying new foods and recipes and the occasional dinner failures that come along with that. (There was a whole situation with a spaghetti squash.) Susan has created an atmosphere among the women in my class to share success and failures both in food and life.
I’m working through it. Part of that process is acknowledging my weaknesses and being honest about my pitfalls. I know I can’t be alone. What’s your weakness? What do you do to keep yourself on the right track?
Disclosure: I am blogging about my experience in the Body Back classes in exchange for an eight-week session.