DIY Christmas or How to Teach Your Child New Swear Words {Fabulous Friday}

ornament wreath

See how pretty that looks

Last year during the Christmas season, I was in full-on psychocrafter mode. I was checking in on websites every day, multiple times for how to craft everything from lovely decor to underpants.

I cannot tell you how many blogs I read that showed me how to make a wreath from Christmas ornaments. They all looked so festive. Every.single.one. used the word “easy.” Now that’s my kind of “Do It Yourself” project.

All I can say is, the bitches lied. At one point I took photos, but those have since been lost, which is probably for the best. My friend Becca witnessed the scene. She seems to have recovered. But she stopped spending as much time at my house after that.

Here’s the thing: despite what magazines and blogs claim, wire coat hangers do not twist properly. Ornaments were popping off and flying around the room. Despite having turned on an episode of Scooby Doo for the kid to watch, he sensed the best show in town was on the sun porch and stood in the door slightly stunned as my craft Tourette syndrome kicked in.

Eventually I got so mad I threw the whole thing in a pile and slammed the wire cutters on top, breaking yet another ornament. “Later!” I pronounced. “I will do this later when there is not an audience.”

I didn’t. After Christmas, I scraped the pile of battle-weary supplies into a box and put them in the attic. I am not getting them out this year. A couple of times when I’ve noticed the box in the attic, my eye starts to twitch.

My family is secretly thrilled this didn’t work out. I stopped all craft projects after this one, and underpants were next on the list.

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “DIY Christmas or How to Teach Your Child New Swear Words {Fabulous Friday}

  1. jennifer morgan

    I have had such a laugh this morning!

  2. amy

    I always wonder exactly “who” thinks those projects are easy. I have never once started a craft project that was easy or as easy as proclaimed and I have never once had mine look anywhere near a good as the one I am trying to imitate. Nor have I ever spent less money on the supplies to make a craft than buying a store bought “one” would have cost me. And to boot I generally end up injured in some way, cut, bruised, knuckles scraped, sore thumb … always something. And don’t get me started about cleaning up the mess … especially if there is glitter or something with glitter on it involved. I swear off crafts about once every two or three years, until I forget the pain and mayhem they cause and try it yet again, and the cycle repeats. I know there are people that do save money and their projects look fabulous and were “easy” for “them.” I am not one of those people, but I sometimes forget and have to be convinces again.

  3. Sharon Schroeder

    This even rivals the time I moved to Korea-the second time. My son was watching me unpack the kitchen stuff and I inadvertently tripped and fell over the open stove door-under the oven door on my stove. My,my, did his vocabulary suddenly expand….Kind of like the time I was driving in downtown Seoul and nearly got hit.

    My eye still twitches.

  4. Brigett Carroll

    LMAO!!! THE BITCHES LIED!!!! I THINK THEY TAKE PICS OF OTHER PEOPLES CRAP AND SAY THEY DID IT!!! LOL!!!

  5. Stephanie

    Too funny! As for me, my enemy is tangled Christmas lights. F@&!!#%s!!!

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