Last year during the Christmas season, I was in full-on psychocrafter mode. I was checking in on websites every day, multiple times for how to craft everything from lovely decor to underpants.
I cannot tell you how many blogs I read that showed me how to make a wreath from Christmas ornaments. They all looked so festive. Every.single.one. used the word “easy.” Now that’s my kind of “Do It Yourself” project.
All I can say is, the bitches lied. At one point I took photos, but those have since been lost, which is probably for the best. My friend Becca witnessed the scene. She seems to have recovered. But she stopped spending as much time at my house after that.
Here’s the thing: despite what magazines and blogs claim, wire coat hangers do not twist properly. Ornaments were popping off and flying around the room. Despite having turned on an episode of Scooby Doo for the kid to watch, he sensed the best show in town was on the sun porch and stood in the door slightly stunned as my craft Tourette syndrome kicked in.
Eventually I got so mad I threw the whole thing in a pile and slammed the wire cutters on top, breaking yet another ornament. “Later!” I pronounced. “I will do this later when there is not an audience.”
I didn’t. After Christmas, I scraped the pile of battle-weary supplies into a box and put them in the attic. I am not getting them out this year. A couple of times when I’ve noticed the box in the attic, my eye starts to twitch.
My family is secretly thrilled this didn’t work out. I stopped all craft projects after this one, and underpants were next on the list.