Fake Protest

Sometimes people wear me out. Don’t get me wrong: I’m a girl who loves a soap box, but I’m done with hysteria without an end game.

Last week, I got one of those, “Can you BU-LIEVE this?!?” emails. I was supposed to go sign an online petition to tell some big companies I didn’t like a product they were selling. See, I thought not buying the product was proof enough I didn’t like it. Beyond that, the email came a full two weeks after one company pulled the product and apologized for the poor judgement of ever having offered it.

The same day, a blog post about breastfeeding came my way…or not breastfeeding…or evil companies…I really lost the will to care somewhere in there. But this point stood out to me: some argue, if you disagree with another mother on her decision on this, then you should not read her blog… because that means you hate America or are liberal or some other really vile name.

Frankly, I’m really tired from actual problems. I don’t have time for manufactured ones. If you want to actually raise girls’ achievement in math, volunteer to be a tutor. Every school in this country would gladly take your help. If you want to improve the lot of poor women, make a donation, volunteer at a free clinic, be a mentor in the 30 bajillion programs that help women and children in poverty. I promise there is one in your city.

Do not send me online petitions. Do not have over-hyped “boycotts” of websites. Do not throw fits online. Get off your can and pitch in.

But if you subscribe to the notion that you must agree with the way a person thinks to read her blog, you should probably know some things:

  • Monkey Boy was never, not even once, breastfed.
  • He does not sleep with us, never has.
  • We let him cry it out as a baby.
  • He wasn’t fully potty trained until about 31/2 or some terribly disturbing old age.
  • He eats processed sugar every day.
  • I spank him on occasion.
  • He watches TV pretty much every day.
  • We do not eat organic.
  • We go to church.
  • I wear tacky t-shirts sometimes.
  • I support gay marriage.
  • We adopted our pets from shelters.
  • I have voted for every single property tax I can to support public schools.
  • My son goes to a private school.
  • I swear. A lot.
  • We eat fast food.
  • I enjoy bourbon.

I have one or more friends who live or are raising their children with the exact opposite view of one or more of these points. That’s fine. They are decent, productive people who have made different choices than me. They add value to my life. The ones I’m the closest to, spend a substantial amount of time doing tangible things to make our community better. And they have never asked me to post something as my Facebook status in protest.

You are free to have a hissy fit now.



Filed under The view from here

8 responses to “Fake Protest

  1. KatieMc

    Love this. Am inspired to write my own list.

  2. Brigett C.

    You are so awesome for writing this post!! People always wanna bitch about something but when it comes down to actually doing something POSITIVE to help the situation….their name is the last on the list. The petitioning and boycotting does get annoying and everyone trying to be so politically correct is BULLSHIT. 🙂

  3. I think this list fits both my kids almost perfectly, with a few minor adjustments.

    •Neither child was never, not even once, breastfed.
    •Neither does not sleep with us, never has. (for the full night. Big Bit may crawl into our bed, but he ends up in his own bed.
    •We let them cry it out as a baby.
    •BB wasn’t fully potty trained until about 3 1/2 or some terribly disturbing old age.
    •BB eats processed sugar (almost) every day.
    •I spank BB on occasion.
    •BB watches TV pretty much every day.
    •We do not eat organic.
    •We go to church.
    •I wear tacky t-shirts sometimes.
    •I support gay marriage. – I’ve got a cousin who is gay. I’d love to see him be able to marry his boyfriend. It’s not for me, but I’m not going to stop you.
    •We would adopt our pets from shelters, if we had them.
    •I would voted for every single property tax I can to support public schools.
    •BB goes to a public school, Lil Bit goes to a church day care.
    •I swear. Not as much as I used to, but I still do. Just not in front of the parrot – I mean, BB
    •We eat fast food.
    •I enjoy bourbon, and several other alcoholic drinks.

  4. Cari

    zomg you sinner you! LOL kidding… kidding. Thank you for posting this. I needed it today. 🙂

  5. I love this list so much.

  6. Leah Johnsey

    Even though I have never met you in person (I will change that as soon as Brian can convince me to make a trip to Arkansas), I love you and I love your list. I do lots of things you didn’t-
    *both kids were breastfed, one for an absurdly long amount of time
    *both kids slept on our bed (see above)
    and don’t do lots of things you do-
    *did not let them cry it out
    *do not go to church
    But I don’t hold any of that against you, and hope you don’t me!
    All the others-well, we can totally be best friends!!

  7. Amen! God Bless America!
    And God bless our freedom!

  8. Meaghan

    Why am I just now finding your blog? Lovely stuff here. I, too, live in LR and have a 4-year-old boy who definitely watches tv every day and eats too much sugar. I prefer white wine over bourbon, however. I’ll have to keep reading your blog.