I’m Breaking Up with IKEA

IKEA and I had a brief, torrid affair. Now it’s over. I am sad.

It all started with a love seat.

orange IKEA love seat

This is the most adorable love seat. It's kinda funky. I thought it could add some color to the new version of the old house.

The best part of the couch: the price $399. How fabulous is that?! I was in sofa lust. It was gonna be all mine… until I tried to order it online.

Are you kidding me?!? The shipping just basicially doubled the price. I don't like it enough to pay $748 for it.

Yes, I’m basically cheap, but I am not a woman without pluck. I had another idea. There’s a store right outside Dallas in Frisco. I activated the bat signal, aka: Twitter.

I got a couple of offers to pick it up. I figured I’d call the store, give them my credit card information, a friend would pick it up, and I’d give them $100 for their trouble. Everybody wins.

So I called the Frisco store. I got a recording that due to “technical difficulties” they could not ANSWER THE PHONE! But don’t worry. There’s a national toll-free number to call. They could help me. I called that number. The following is a paraphrase of that conversation.

Me: Here’s what I want to do… [credit card, friend pick up, blah blah, blah]

IKEA woman: We don’t take credit cards over the phone.

Me: OK. I understand that. Can I enter my information online and have it “delivered” to the store in Frisco with instructions for who can pick it up?

IKEA woman: We don’t do that either.

Me: Is there any way you can help me here?

IKEA woman: No.

Me: Well, ok then. I guess that’s all.

IKEA woman, obviously reading her script: Thank you for calling IKEA. Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Me: Well, you haven’t actually helped me with anything yet, so I guess not.

IKEA woman, very chipper now: Ok, have a nice day!

Feeling very frustrated, I vented online.

Then suddenly, it was like IKEA wanted to help me. They cared about customer service!

See! They really do care. They WANT me to have the love seat.

So I sent them an email right away outlining my issue and asking for some kind of flexibility or help. Then they proceeded to the LEAST helpful thing a help desk can:

IKEA email

They explained their computer system and inventory process to me. Let me say this as delicately as possible: I don't care.

 

Gar Larson Far Side What Dogs hear

When someone goes to the trouble of explaining inventory process to me, I turn into the dog in one of favorite Far Side comics by Gary Larson.

The upshot: I’m not getting my orange love seat from IKEA. I may not get an orange one now at all. It would just be too painful. Somehow Baby Daddy doesn’t seem nearly as broken up as I am over this.

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6 Comments

Filed under A Tree Fell On my House

6 responses to “I’m Breaking Up with IKEA

  1. LOL. Do you have a dear friend who would be willing to take a check from you? perhaps you could pre-pay the friend, and let THEM purchase it?

  2. Wow. That’s the most unhelpful “Help” I’ve ever seen.

    I have a different problem entirely: I wish that Pottery Barn sold furniture that fit normal sized houses instead of McMansions. Sadly, no one has invented a Sofa Shrink Ray yet, although the Grocery Shrink Ray is being over-used.

  3. You’re better off without them. IKEA furniture is made with cardboard and Elmer’s glue.

  4. Melody

    I broke up with Ikea after getting lost in their maze of a store one too many times. It’s crazy land.

  5. Meme

    Ikea is great if you live close to one of their stores–it is fun to explore and they even have some great toys…BUT their furniture you really need to see and examine in person before you buy it…think, order the couch $399. pay $350. shipping…now if you don’t like it…return the couch $350…by now you could have ordered a custom build couch. Maybe Ikea knows this and they should have told you: “Our furniture is really cute, we know it-our prices are cheap, we know it– but we also know that our furniture is cheaply built-so we want the customers to look at it and see what they are really getting before they buy it.” I think that is closer to the truth. Maybe you could get some orange throw pillows…

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