For the past year and a half, I’ve been having trouble with my right ear. I have had a series of ear infections. I have been to the doctor countless times for steroids and antibiotics. I have tried some ridiculous home remedies. Finally, I had to break down and see a specialist. Because you know what I need more of? Doctors!
The ENT hypothesizes somewhere in all this, I got fluid in my inner ear. That’s the snail looking part in the diagram. I told him I wanted tubes in my ears. He very nicely asserted that I am a freak show and should stop diagnosing myself on the Internet. Also, tubes wouldn’t work for this problem.
I told my friend I’m taking diuretics to pull the fluid off my ear. She looked at me in stunned disbelief. “Do you HEAR yourself? That’s the most ridiculous thing ever.” I had to tell her no, I really don’t hear myself that well. That’s sorta the problem.
The doc made this diagnosis based on the scratching sounds I hear and the type of hearing loss I have. Apparently, I’m “textbook,” which I think is medical speak for: Hey! We actually know what’s wrong with you this time! I asked him pills would make me lose weight. He said that wasn’t really the point. I very forcefully asserted weight loss is ALWAYS the point.
The hearing loss I have means I have a hard time with low tones and high tones: men’s voices and children’s voices. When I told Baby Daddy I had proof I wasn’t ignoring my family, I really couldn’t hear them, he not so nicely asserted I got the most convenient diagnosis he’s ever heard. That’s probably true because if this diuretic plan works, I’m considering not telling him.