There comes a point in every marriage when you realize the problems you face are bigger than you and your spouse. When you’ve reached such an impasse, there are three options: rock, paper or scissors. When that doesn’t work, you have to call in professional help.

love the colors

I adore this color palette. Baby Daddy, not so much.

Baby Daddy and I have hired a negotiator. Some people would call her a decorator. That would grossly understate her contribution. She is going to keep our marriage intact.

Here’s the problem: I love beautiful things and Baby Daddy doesn’t want me to be happy. So we met with the negotiator to find common ground so I could get my way.

I told her she did not have to agree with me. I said I was willing to compromise and accept other ideas. But, hello! She is a fellow Vagina American. I thought she would  understand that was a complete lie. Her job was to take my side completely and tell Baby Daddy he was being cruel and unusually mean to me.

But no, she was all reasonable and fair and made good arguments and then TOLD ME I WAS WRONG!! So fine. I will go along with her recommendations and have a lovely home. But I’m taking any compliments we get on it personally and will not give her the credit she deserves because I am a sullen, pouty child about things like this.



Filed under A Tree Fell On my House

5 responses to “Negotiator

  1. That color palette you love? Totally what I’m working on in my other spare bedroom right now! You can come stay there if the fight gets too bad. 🙂
    And that just reminded me, I already bought the wall paint and it’s in the garage! I’m sooooo going to go paint right now.

  2. Do you by any chance know where that bedding could be found?

  3. Oh my GOD – this is hysterical – I LOVE IT!!! Ripped from the headlines of my own life.

    Monkey Maker likes things to be “put away” – nothing on display – and he likes remaining things to be in lines and stacked –

    If it were up to him we would live in a the stock room of a Wal-Mart.

    I adore the chosen color scheme in the photo and I think anyone who doesn’t is just a plain old dummy-head:)

  4. Oh. My. Nordstrom! (trying not to take the name of Lord in vain these days)
    “Vagina American” is the funniest thing I have read in years! New favorite. Will be stealing that promptly. May or may not give you credit.