How I Know My StepDad is NOT the Easter Bunny

My mom's foot on Facebook

Over the past few years, my mother has needed a series of surgeries on her neck. She also, like most women her age who’ve birthed a couple of kids, had some repair work done. Nothing particularly major, but all requiring pain medication.

My mother is a little bit wacky stone cold sober. When she is high on prescription drugs, she’s a lunatic. She sends incomprehensible emails. She texts at all hours of the night. She calls and for the life of me, I have no IDEA what she’s talking about.

My sister and I spoke to our stepdad: If this is what she sends to us, there is no telling what she’s sending to other people. Dude, you have got to take her iPhone and stash her computer when she’s like this. It’s for her own good.

Earlier this week, Mom had an outpatient procedure. By the end of the day, she was on Facebook. She was posting pictures of her feet. Really. She obviously had a recent pedicure, so that was good.

The next day she called me. I can honestly say I have not a clue what she was talking about. But she was very concerned about a cold she is convinced I had. I asked her if she’d recently taken pain pills. “No!” she huffed, totally indignant. I asked her again, “Mom, are you *sure* you haven’t taken any pills?” She paused, “Well, maybe…. OK, yes. But I’m fine.” That’s when I told her I was gonna hang up the phone.

I honestly don’t know if my stepdad never takes away her electronics or if my mom is able to convince him to give them back or if he is just that lousy at squirreling things where she can’t find them. I just know he would be a terrible Easter Bunny.

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