The Romper {People, Please}

August 1984

I am not exactly a fashion icon. I’ve made some terribly dreadful choices when it comes to clothing myself. People, please let me help you. I’ve done dumb things, so you don’t have to.

Exhibit A: the romper. In 1984, I not only wore a pink terry cloth romper, I was photographed in this outfit. Nice, huh? I have no idea why I’m wearing a blanket as a pashmina. You can’t see it in this particular photo, but I was also wearing socks and jelly shoes. There is absolutely nothing about this photo any person who cares about her appearance should try to recreate.

And yet… while shopping this weekend, I was horrified. In store after store, the romper was for sale again. Why? Why in the name of all that is couture would the ROMPER come back to haunt me?

The problem with the romper is that it never fits quite right. Maybe it’s just my body is proportioned oddly, but there was just always slightly less fabric than their ought to be. This leads to some highly personal interactions with the shorts. Fine, the romper is a wedgy looking to happen.

The back is crawling up on the model. You are not a model. This will be worse for you. Trust me.

Also, to get the desired look, if you could call this look desirable, the shorts must be quite short. The specs on this one claim the inseam is 1.75 inches long. I’m calling that wishful measuring. I didn’t see a single one for sale with more than a half-inch inseam.

Unfortunately, my warning came too late for one young woman spotted in fashion hell. She walked past my friend and I, her stride clearly impeded by the intimate relationship she was engaged in with her romper. My friend looked a little shell-shocked. She stammered, “I think I just saw her cervix.”

People, please, we don’t all want to be OBGyns. Just say no to the romper.

Advertisements

7 Comments

Filed under People, Please

7 responses to “The Romper {People, Please}

  1. Amy

    I had glasses just like yours when I was that age! Sweet!

  2. Caught you over at Kelli Hates today. A tad ironic that The Romper post hits a few points from The Breakup post? 🙂 I agree, say no to the romper. These are not for adults! I’m pretty sure Stacy and Clinton would agree

  3. I also enjoyed the timing of the Kelli Hates post with this visible cervix post. Of course, if you do see adults wearing rompers, perhaps you could slip them your waxer’s card.

  4. I limit my romper-wearing to poolside, beachside and/or riverside. It makes an adequate cover-up so long as you have a swimsuit underneath. xo.

  5. Jamie

    hehehehe, oh this made me laugh and laugh and laugh.

  6. Here’s my problem with the romper (aside from all the ones you mentioned) I don’t want to get completely undressed every single time I have to go to the bathroom. I am not George Costanza. I like my shirt on when I have to go.

  7. OMG, I am laughing so hard! I had one of those terry rompers myself. I was constantly tugging and pulling, pulling and tugging. The worst part of the romper is you have to undress when going to the bathroom! Needless to say, I WON’T be wearing either. Maybe we should start a Facebook group, lol!