Monkey Boy and his buddy playing in the baby pool

I enjoy going to the pool in the summer. Given the BLAZING heat, we’ve had this summer, it’s about all you can do to cool off. There is a tiny hitch to this giddy up. I HATE going to the pool where I know people. It’s uncomfortable for me. For the past few summers, we’ve lived in a neighborhood with a pool. It was great because I didn’t know my neighbors so I didn’t care what anyone thought. With the move in January, we lost our neighborhood pool. Today is the 2nd of 3 in a row that I will take Monkey Boy to a pool party. Obviously, we know the people at the these events. This causes a fair amount of stress for me.

It’s a fearful thing to wear a swimsuit. It’s the closest to naked any well brought up person gets in public. Every body issue I have, shows up when I dive in to swimwear. I have for years assumed this to be primarily a girl issue. Last night, a group of fellas expressed their own discomfort for baring most of it in public too.

They openly longed for the days of vintage swimwear when they could cover a beer gut. They fantasized about men’s swimsuits with SPANX to improve their pool side image. They wanted to call them: SWANX. get it: swimsuit + SPANX = SWANX. *groan*

I had this flat of a stomach, I’d be in a bikini. Every.day.

I didn’t have the heart to tell them, such a thing already exists for women. However, I take issue with the women chosen to model said swimsuits. These are not women who NEED help sucking it in. I do not want to see a 17-year-old hour-glass shaped model in the “shaping” suits. I want to see a mid-30s mother of a couple of kids in these. Or for that matter, anyone over 25 who enjoys an occasional pizza or cocktail. Make those women look good, and I’m your customer for life.

Let’s just be honest. This girl is 16. She just got her driver’s license and can drop 15 lbs by just worrying who is going to take her to the prom.

If this girl ever asked if she looked fat, someone should have slapped her. hard.



Filed under The view from here

2 responses to “SWANX

  1. Brooke


    I am so with you. I will definitely be sporting some major cover-up tomorrow. With 2 kids to chase, I will no doubt have to take the plunge, but I will be as covered-up as possible.

    Sorry for day 3 in the pool 🙂 It will be for us too.

  2. The ‘tummy control’ panel of the swimsuit might help a little… but all it does is smoosh it out the bottom. And my legs are a whole ‘nother problem that don’t need extra smooshing. I joked that I was only going swimming this year was in a wet suit. Then my mom made a comment that involved Sea World. So, I’ll just stay inside all summer. However, if Swanx get up and running, I think David would be a customer!