Irregular Activity

I got that scary email from the bank. You know the one that totally freaks you out. “We detected irregular activity on your Credit Card.” This is not the first time I’ve gotten this news. Once someone got our credit card number and bought a new car audio system. Since they gave the shop their actual address, they were pretty easy to catch. Another time, the card company called to see if we had indeed bought $400 dog food online. I’m not one to put monetary values on my pets, but I can assure you, they are not worth $400 of food. Our cell phone company once detected what they thought was fraud, “Sir, is your wife in Philadelphia? Because your wife’s phone is in Philadelphia, and it’s making a LOT of calls.” Baby Daddy simply replied, “Oh, that’s her. She has a LOT of words.”

Christmas 2008So when I called, I was actually kinda excited to see what new diabolical scheme had been hatched by a potential thief. As it turns out, the irregular activity in question was again mine. Seems VISA doesn’t view ordering your Christmas cards online in July as “normal” behavior. As my friends have pointed out, virtually no one views this as normal behavior. I really like Christmas cards. It’s one of the few things I enjoy about the over-indulgent holiday. It’s also something I can do now, before the crazy days of fall kick up and I have no time to think much less address 250 cards.

I have written about this in the past, but I think now is a perfectly good time to revisit the subject of the rules of Christmas cards. (Of course, there are rules. Every civilized society has rules)

  1. Christmas 2007

    Whoever gets their cards out first, WINS!

  2. Cards cannot go out before December 1. That’s a false start in clear violation of the calendar order of holidays.
  3. All cards must have some hand written component to them. You cannot slap printed address labels on your printed cards and call it good. That is not a personal Christmas card. That’s corporate cardboard.
  4. All cards must somewhere have YOUR NAME on them. One would think this was learned in primary school, but apparently not
  5. I couldn’t care less what salutation they bring: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Holidays, whatever makes your heart happy, send it. I’ll receive it with gratitude.
  6. There is no mocking the maker and enforcer of the rules that exist only in her mind.

According to my calculations, you now have five months to get in the game. GO!



Filed under The view from here

13 responses to “Irregular Activity

  1. Bah humbug.

    You are crazy.

    I plan on moving again just before December 1, just to throw you off and make you have to re-address one card at the last minute.

  2. Annie

    Oh I ❤ you!!! This is great. I actually was on shutterfly trying to figure out what pictures up pig on my Christmas card this year!!!

  3. woah. I thought my grandma was prepared for Christmas. I was wrong.

  4. I’ve been working under the mandate that says cards should never go out before December 24. Huh.

    Totally bowing down to you right now.

  5. Stacey

    You’re going down, Case!

  6. I thought I was a crazy Christmas planner but you take the cake!

    Also. You are correct. Payton Hillis is from Arkansas and the bad news is that he is no longer a Bronco which is why my snazzy new jersey was on sale.

    I’m am a dork.

  7. damn you for beating me out the door already…but will you drive to the post office at midnight on 11/30? hmmmmm…

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