Monkey Needs a New Pair of Shoes

Monkey Boy's first Easter egg hunt

Easter is coming. I know because there was sign up sheet at Monkey Boy’s school to get his photo made with live animals: rabbits or lambs or chicks or some such spring animal. Last year Baby Daddy mocked me mercilessly for having the boy’s photos made with bunnies. He said it was the most absurd thing he’s ever heard of. I think he’s feeling bad for me this year, so he signed him up without comment.

He did, however, beg off on the wardrobing for this event, claiming he didn’t dare try to buy the boy Easter clothes. I think he worries my head might explode. Luckily, we live about five blocks from the stores I needed to go to, so I made a quick trip after my nap this week. I was once again reminded of the challenge of buying boy’s clothes. The selection is abysmal. Boy clothes are almost always this tiny section at the back of the store and the options are ridiculous.

Children's Place

Children's Place

1) Have aspirations for your boy to join the NBA? You can start dressing him like he’s going to basketball practice in his infancy. These mesh shorts are ubiquitous. The come in every size and color. They are at every single children’s clothing store. They are the little boy equivalent of women who wear tennis skirts all summer, but don’t play tennis. Yes, we get it, you have great tan legs and want to wear a short skirt to show them off. But these are activity specific clothes and as my 3-year-old cannot dribble a ball, it’s a tab absurd for him to be wearing these shorts.

Chasing Fireflies

Chasing Fireflies

2) Apparently a lot clothing designers believe mothers want their children to be surfer/ skater boys. There are also endless supplies of this genre of boy clothing. It’s a look that’s got some cuteness to it, but it’s not really something a toddler can pull off every day. For starters, we live in a land locked state, so surfing is obviously out. And again, he’s 3. His balance is good to keep him upright walking. There are no skateboards in his immediate future, unless I want a visit from DHS so I can explain why my child has a cracked skull.

Jolly Rompers

3) For some reason, boy clothes marketers seem to think that boy mom’s really wanted a girl. So they make boy clothes that are really girl clothes in disguise. They take traditional boy baby clothes, enlarge them and add feminine touches and try to sell them as boy clothes. My hand to God, some women buy them. Actually, too many women buy them. It’s. just. wrong. One day these boys will grow up to despise their parents, and the rest of us will know why: they were teased mercilessly for wearing girl clothes and it’s their parents fault.

Piperlime

Piperlime

4) Shoes. Lord have mercy! Boy shoes are a travesty. And by travesty, I mean there are fashion gods plotting globes to drop on some of these shoe designers or tendons to cut on the manufacturers of boy shoes. It’s an affront to good taste. It’s like the boy shoe industry shrunk the shoes of middle aged copier salesmen and marketed them to toddlers. Do they really think this is what we want our children to look like?

Ralph Lauren

Saks Fifth Avenue

Left with few options, I found what I think is a pretty cute Easter outfit for Monkey Boy. It’s Baby Daddy approved, which is a hurdle all its own for boy clothes. He’ll wear seer sucker pants, a white shirt and saddle shoes. (photos are representations, I couldn’t find pics of the brands I bought online) It’s pretty traditional Easter fair, but then Easter is all about tradition. However, mark my words, Easter morning, I will have to muzzle Baby Daddy to keep him from offending the parents of a future NBA player, a skater and the cutest little “girl” he’s ever seen.

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6 Comments

Filed under Monkey Boy

6 responses to “Monkey Needs a New Pair of Shoes

  1. Those Piperlime shoes + some khaki shorts + pastel polo + critter belt + Ray Bans and croakies = Charleston SC male wardrobe, for all ages.

    Love me some seersucker, though. So happy when I see the menfolk breaking out the seersucker and the bow ties. Unfortunately I married a man who up until recently would not even wear stripes, because he thinks they’re “too preppy.” Darn Colorado Mountain Man.

  2. Jill

    My short guy will be in the girl outfit on Easter. I will thump your Baby Daddy on the nose twice… if he mocks me….to my face….

  3. Sounds like MB could be double booked for Easter. Church and Oxford, Mississippi.

  4. Oh, Kerri. I feel your pain and I don’t even have kids…but I have 5 nephews. And bless the two little ones’ hearts…especially Jack, who is almost 3. He’s never even been in a pair of blue jeans or khakis. Poor Jack is the girl my SIL wanted for #4. I swear that I have pictures of him in a dress.

  5. when choosing my childrens clothing, i always those clothing with bright colors and loose fit;:”

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