Yesterday I got up early, made lunches for Monkey Boy, Baby Daddy and me. I was feeling good about me. I mean, who doesn’t feel good when she has a turkey sandwich in a Wonder Woman lunch box? About 10:30 in the morning, I started thinking that I wanted the apple I packed. That’s when I realized my perfectly packed lunch was sitting on the counter at home. Awesome!
Today I was not going to let this happen again. I put Wonder Woman by the door so I wouldn’t forget her. Of course, I got off track and was rushing to get out the door like every other day of my life. Not long after eating my lunch, I realized I didn’t have my laptop power cord. Really?! Really. So that’s how this day wanted to play. Nothing to do but go to Best Buy and get another.
And that’s when the wheels just came off the cart. I opened the door of my Jeep and my ears were assaulted by “We need a Little Christmas!” It was absolutely blaring across the parking lot. There was no escape. If I could have gone ANYWHERE else, I would have driven off at that moment. But there I was, trapped, in Christmas Hell. (In case you missed previous posts on the subject, I HATE Christmas music) Inside I quickly found what I needed. I walked through the CD aisle on my way to the register trying desperately not to vomit when “Holly Jolly Christmas” came on.
It was in that moment of weakness, desperation, if you will, that I grabbed Total Dance 2008, Vol. 2. (Apparently, there is a Volume 1 out there lowering IQs too.) It was the only thing I could think of that would cleanse my palate of the awful aftertaste of Christmas Cheese Whiz. It has the delightful selections “Coconut Juice” by TYGA featuring TRAVIS McCOY and “Piece of Me” the Bimbo Jones remix of Britney Spears hit, and by hit I mean, played on some radio stations to justify all the tabloid coverage by TMZ. Just in case you were wondering, yes, this is the album “mixed by TV’s #1 DJ STRYKER.” That’s how low I’ve been wrought by this season.
And that, friends, is the story of why I had to say “yes” when my new co-worker asked me, “Is that yours?” while suppressing a giggle. I’m blaming it on Wonder Woman.