Golf Lessons

I spent the afternoon at the Chenal Country Club helping with a golf tournament to benefit the Ronald McDonald House. My job was hole watcher. I can guarantee that in the five hours I was there, the hole on the 17th green did not move. Also in that time, no one hit a hole-in-one to win a big swanky trip of some kind. Essentially, in the name of volunteerism, I sat in the shade and watched people play golf. I’m a giver.

Aside from a few rounds on a putt putt course, I have never played golf. But I think after my five hours there today, I’m qualified to start giving lessons on what I’ve learned about the game. I cannot help you with your swing, club selection or any other such mundane tasks. I can however, give you some truths that I believe are universal with regard to the gentleman’s game.

Golf Lessons (from me, the expert hole watcher):

It is not necessary to have any measurable skill level to enter a charity tournament.

The more discussion there is of angles, greens, breaking shots, etc., the less likely you are to sink the putt.

The guy giving out the most unsolicited advice to his buddies is ALWAYS the worst ball striker in the bunch.

Betting virtually assures no one will make their shot.

Driving a Gator around while wearing a ball cap with snuff in your cheek makes you look important. To yourself.

I want a Gator.

Waggling and practice swings just waste everyone’s time.

People get very fussy when you almost hit a tree with their golf cart.

The man driving the beverage cart could apply for sainthood.

Some teams confuse this sport with bowling or baseball and wear matching outfits. This is frowned upon by the cool kids.

Calling out helpful advice from the cart to your husband in front of his friends while smoking is not appreciated.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Golf Lessons

  1. HA – this made me laugh. My husband took golf during the summer semester and he has since started to “play”. I have to say, shopping for all the golf paraphernalia was the fun part, then it’s all downhill from there.

    Thanks for sharing your “golf lessons”. I’m sure they’ll come in handy.

  2. “Essentially, in the name of volunteerism, I sat in the shade and watched people play golf. I’m a giver.”

    That line is priceless!