Toddler Time

Toddlers can tell time. They may not read clocks or wear watches, but they can tell time. They can sense when it’s “Mommy’s in a big hurry right now” time. They can smell “Daddy really wants to impress these people” time. They can just taste “Mommy had a really bad day and just needs to go home and be quiet or she’s going to start drinking bourbon out of the dog’s bowl.”

It is at these exact moments that they make their move. They have saved up every dirty word you’ve ever let slip in front of them. They have stockpiled their anger that you let them “cry it out” all those nights in the crib. They have horded ill will about making them wear the blue shoes, when any sane person could have seen that only the brown shoes would do. And in these moments of toddler time, they make you pay.

Like I said, toddlers can tell time.

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