Miss Texas was ROBBED!

As in, ski mask, convenience store, give me all your money, ROBBED! last night in the Miss America pageant. Miss Oklahoma was perfectly lovely, and well coached in the art of arm and microphone raising while singing in such a way to show off the dental work her father paid dearly for. Her hairdresser dyed her a lovely shade of blond and she was well-coiffed. She was not, however, better than Miss Texas, who was ROBBED.

The only silver lining is that if Miss America is unable to fulfill her duties, (translation: if a photographer shows up somewhere with nudie photos) then Miss Texas is all in. That is, of course, unless Miss Oklahoma agrees to go to rehab, which apparently fixes everything from booze and pills to being a bigot or just generally showing poor judgement. (I’m certainly not making accusations, I’m just saying, it’s possible.)

One other thing: whoever is doing the nose jobs for Miss America contestants this year has a bird fetish and they need to find a new surgeon.


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