Alarming Stamps

So I’m helping with a baby shower for a couple of friends who are both having their first babies – boys! Very exciting. And because I worry and fret over things that no one will ever notice or care about, I decided that we needed baby stamps for the baby shower invitations.

I went to two post offices. The woman at the first one told me she had flags and that was the best she could do for me. So I went to a second one where I told the man I was looking for stamps that had a baby flare. Could be blocks, rattles, teddy bears, something like that. First, he pulled out the 50 states stamps — not really what I was looking for. Then he pulled out Disney princess stamps, problem — it’s Disney, which is just too River Valley, and also, these babies are boys. So then he pulls out what I guess he thought were Wizard of Oz stamps, but they had Judy Garland’s face on them. I definitely think that we should avoid the booze-head, pill-popping women in these boys lives for as long as possible.

But he saved the best for last. After having rejected all of his previous offers, he dug deep and retrieved… wait for it…. Amber Alert Stamps!

Now that’s just sick! Can you imagine if I sent out baby shower invitations with Amber Alert stamps on them? No one may ever notice flag stamps, but they are for sure going to notice if I send out reminders that at any moment, this child could be snatched away! How many Lifetime movies do you have to see to know, you don’t temp fate this way?!

He finally said, “I don’t think this is what you’re looking for, but maybe these.” He produced children’s books animals. Curious George and Wild Thing and Olivia the Pig. It was perfect! I’d be willing to lay odds that no one even pays attention to them, but you slap a parental warning and I’d be the talk of the town.

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